My Kid’s A Drunk

Not really, of course, but hanging out with Dylan is like taking care of a drunk person. (Don’t worry, no toddlers were inebriated in the making of this post. The above wine glass was clean.)

Top 10 Ways My Toddler Is Like A Drunk Person

1. Reckless Driving

2. Inability to Walk in a Straight Line

I clear his path all day long and he still trips and falls every few feet!

3. Streaking

4. Plopping Down in the Middle of a Public Place and Refusing to Move

A quintessential toddler/drunk person trait.

6. Passing Out in my Backseat

5. Irrational Bouts of Emotion, Particularly Crying

One minute we’re playing happily and the next he’s on the floor bawling because I can’t read his mind and didn’t know he wanted THAT TOY OVER THERE! Cheap wine has the same effect on people.

7. Sloppy Eating

8. Peeing His Pants

9. Drunk Dialing

(Can’t tell you how many times I take my phone from him and see he’s been calling random people on my contact list.)

10. Poor Decision Making

Think about those nights you’ve been out with a friend who drank too much. Some moments were hysterically funny and some were probably a little annoying but overall they were times you won’t soon forget…

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